in a galaxy far, far away...
once
when i was very small, mother’s parents visited. with them
came my aunt and my cousin. all together there were eleven of us. being small
and shy, i stuck close to dad.
papa decreed there should be a snapshot of all of us,
excepting him. he was to take the snapshot. the preparations were made, with
all the people shuffled about a few times. mostly, the grownups were settled on
the sofa. the children were placed on the floor, at their feet.
dad sat in his rocky, swivel chair. i fussed until the
camera and people and papa were ready. with papa barking orders and all the
people trying to settle, dad scooped me up and kept me on his lap in the
chair. he spoke quietly in my ear. sit back he said. i don’t want my
picture i said. i don’t want it either he said. then why i said. sit back he
said my chair is magic.
i sat back and he leaned his rocky swivel chair back as far
as it would go. i was reclined along dad quite comfortably. while we waited for
papa to finish his preparations, dad kept me busy by holding me close and
making his magic chair rock, swivel and spin. i felt a little apprehensive.
these were different kinds of movements for me.
the snapshot was made, and i was released to my feet. i
followed mother and my sister into the kitchen to get underfoot while dishes
were cleaned and put away. more than once i was told to go play. more than
once, i did not.
a long, long, long time later, i came across that snapshot. the
eyes of my cousin were red. the twins smiled brightly, showing some missing
teeth. mother, aunt and grandmother sat like clones, all with hands folded and
feet crossed the same way. my sister was beautiful and my brother looked as if
he couldn’t wait to get away. dad and i were reclined comfortably in the magic
chair. i did not smile.
i had forgotten about that day until the snapshot reminded
me. i was reminded that dad always kept me close and safe and comfortable. and
even though i was an afterthought in that house to most… dad kept me up front,
in the snapshot, in his mind and in his heart. while things changed and people
and places changed, my dad was always the same. he was aware of me and my
feelings and my heart. he always talked to me, even if he couldn’t answer all
the questions. one thing i always knew, through all the turmoil, was that my
dad loved me. every day.
p.s.
i wrote and posted this on a blog i started in 2007. i never
posted much there. but i was reminded of it today and went to look. when i saw
this, i also remembered that well after 2007, marisa sent me the picture in
question.
i wrote this little piece without the picture at hand, from
my memory of the picture...
it looks to me like it was taken just as the shit was hitting
the fan. peggie, tell me if you think you can pinpoint a year. carol, if you
read this, please show the picture to jonathon. i would also like to know
from peggie, jonathon and peter, if possible, what your memories are of this
day...
p.s.s.
i want to add, that i always knew my sister, peggie, loved
me too. as stressed or overworked as she was, when it came down to brass tacks,
she really did do her best to make life easier for me.