dog: alot of good that does, no one is due home for two hours and i have to pee!
cat: go pee on the floor by the door.
dog: right! i was brought up better than that! i've haven't peed the floor since i was a baby.
cat: well, you sound like a baby now. shoooosh! you're giving me heartburn.
dog: you got heartburn from that bird you murdered this morning.
cat: i didn't get to eat it, it was ripped from my grasp.
dog: that's what you get for being a murderous wretch.
cat: you are so dumb, you carry stuffed animals around in your mouth, you don't even try for the real ones!
dog: i wish they left the tv on, i'm missing matlock.
cat: i'm missing lunch at the neighbors place.